If we spend our lives reacting to people rather than responding, then we’re probably used to engaging in arguments which may never solve the issue.
A typical conversation (or argument) can easily follow this pattern:
- What you meant to say
- What you actually said
- What they think they’ve heard
- What they’ve interpreted
There could be a huge difference from position 1 to position 4, that will leave neither of you satisfied with the outcome. Why?
Because life is all about perception, what’s true for us may not be true for someone else yet we often struggle to consider another person’s perspective. We can easily act from a double standard where we judge ourselves based upon our intentions, yet we judge others on their actions and behaviours. Seems a bit unfair.
We may find ourselves obtaining more clarity from another person (and a more positive outcome) if we seek to understand them and their perspective.
There’s nothing wrong with asking someone what they mean, asking them to repeat themselves or asking them to clarify a point that you’ve not fully understood – that’s how you build relationships!
Otherwise you could spend your days believing that you’ve won every argument and that you are always right, you’ll never know where you stand with another person and yet all it took was an attempt to understand their point of view.
